Random Rules

Do you ever wonder who was the first wise mom who spoke the words, “No swimming for 20 minutes after eating.”?  I think it was first uttered by a pioneer woman who had just finished feeding her brood and finally had a second to sit and scarf down some cold beans, when her youngest shouted, “Ma, swimming…want to go now.” Knowing that would mean forfeiting her chance to eat and relax for a moment, she told him no.  And of course, staying true to toddler traits that stand the test of time, he responded, “Why?”  She paused for a moment running through her index of reasons: “’Because I said so’—no, already used that one 3 times this morning; ‘Because it’s too cold’—no he could care less about that and anyways it’s 95 degrees right now;  ‘Because that’s your last pair of clean trousers’—no he’ll just strip down and jump in.” Ah-ha!  Figuring he couldn’t argue with a threat to his life, she shouts to him, “No swimming for 20 minutes after eating. You’ll cramp up and drown.”  There.  With that brilliant statement, she bought generations of moms 10 minutes to relax and another 10 minutes to clean up before going for a nice cool swim.

I don’t know who said it, but I love her. And perhaps I’m beginning to channel her spirit.  This morning Cody saw his bike helmet on the porch.  He was still in his pajamas and I’d been trying to get him dressed for a half hour.  He wanted his helmet and I told him no.  (Frankly, I didn’t feel like going outside to get it).  When he asked me why, I responded, “Because you can’t wear a helmet with pajamas.” I have no idea where that came from!  Of course that didn’t end the “dialogue.” He asked why again, and this time I came up empty, so I responded, “Because mommy likes to make up random rules that benefit her and no one else.”  Since Cody isn’t quite 2 ½ years old, that must have been too many words for him to absorb, so I didn’t get a follow-up why.  Instead he looked at me and walked over to his clothes and let me dress him.  Mommy One. Cody Zero.

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