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Shadows

Cody stood about a foot away from the house, facing the foundation and flailing his arms wildly. “Ummm…Cody, you ok?” I asked him. “Momma, look. My haddo is dancing”. Oh, of course, I should have known. His shadow was dancing. Cody and Jake discovered their shadows this week (probably because it’s about the first time they’ve seen the sun in 4 months).

And in an amazing stroke of irony, luck or just coincidence, I also discovered that I had a shadow this week. A surprisingly diminutive shadow who sometimes answers to the name of Cody when it suits him. I’ve only been home full-time for one week, and almost overnight, Cody has become attached to my hip. For the first time in his life, he now cries whenever I leave him. At first, I blamed it on the crowded child watch center at the YMCA where we started to go so I could get a short workout in. I thought I might need to cancel our membership since he just seemed so unhappy there. Three days later though, he had the same reaction when I left him with Auntie Shelly whom he adores. hmmm…..guess it’s him and another glorious phase.

Please, Lord, let this be a phase, or someone might find me standing staring at a wall with my arms flailing. Somehow I don’t think that will be as cute as Cody’s dancing shadow.

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Thirteen work days and counting….So I have just a few more weeks at work, at which point I will be shaking off the chaos and craziness at Fidelity Investments, and taking on the chaos and craziness of Jake and Cody 24/7. With my company moving to about an hour away from my home, and faced with an option to take a severance package due to the relocation, I decided to give up corporate life for a while to be with my boys full-time.

I couldn’t be happier or more uncertain about what April 1st is going to feel like. Will it feel like I just downshifted, or rather will the scenery change while the pace remains the same? I am expecting a similar pace but with a more singular focus–my family.

Now having said that, this morning I was happy to have something else to focus on, and I was really happy to make the drive to Ma’s house where the boys go to daycare. Jakey woke up at about 5:15, and I thought we were off to a good start since he quieted back down after I delivered the binky back to him and he slept another 40 minutes. But from the moment I picked him up out of his crib, he WHIIIIIINNNNED and didn’t stop until 7:45 when I packed him into the minivan and turned on the Wiggles for him. He whined about his banana (he wanted Cody’s). He whined about the other banana (he didn’t want it peeled). He whined about his toast (he wanted cereal). He whined about the hockey stick he was using (he didn’t want to play hockey). He whined about the drum (omg it was on its side). Well you get the idea.

I tried to “start the day over” by bringing him upstairs and reading to him. Thought maybe a little one on one cuddle time would work. And it did for about 20 minutes. Then it was back to Cody-has-something-that-I-want-but-once-I-get-it-I-will-want-something-else syndrome.

So, I don’t think I have any romantic notions about what being a stay-home mom will be like, but I do suppose that I will still be surprised with how challenging it will be. I just have to remember that I’d rather be dealing with my own children’s whining than the whines of a 40 year old employee who doesn’t like the performance review I just gave him. Time will tell.